First off, this is not a bashing of any sort. Whatever your decision on life may be, I applaud and commend you ladies — be it the decision for motherhood, singlehood or alternative lifestyle. That said, I honestly hope that whoever crosses my path will be kind enough to realize that whatever decision they made in their life shouldn’t be imposed on my own, and whatever you think may be “good for me” may not necessarily be so.
1. Just because I’m married doesn’t mean i HAVE to have kids. Yes, I am hitched, and no, I don’t plan to have any kids (not even in the future, from the looks of things). I like kids, I enjoy playing with them, I enjoy their company. I just don’t want to have them. It’s not a religion issue, or a “modern woman” take issue. I’m just not into it. Financially, I can’t afford it. Physically & psychologically, I can’t handle it. Telling me i should have some of my own already because “I’m of that age” doesn’t necessarily mean i’ll be able to raise it or provide for it. Hell, I can’t even provide for myself right now! 😛 Yes, I consider childbirth a blessing and a wonderful miracle. But no, it’s not for me. Please accept it and move on.
2. Yes, married women are still individuals who have fun. Yes, we do go out and do things. Yes, we do enjoy being with people, single, married or otherwise. And yes, while we know we’re hitched, it doesn’t mean we want to be taken for granted or made to feel like we’re not appreciated. Most wives who are happy in their marriages are so because they feel appreciated, and feel secure. They have the security of knowing that come the apocalypse, their husband will choose them to be their life buddy and escape the zombies. Having that security of feeling that you’re taken care of pretty much ensures a husband that you will be taken care of as well. Please do not put us in a box and think, oh, cool, now that you’re married, you’ll stay in the house and raise some kids while everyone is out. Also, please disregard the other stereotype that all we want to do is start a family.
Honestly, what I’d appreciate more right now is nurturing a healthy relationship with the person I chose to be with, and grow with him even before we put kids in the equation. How people manage to transition from lovers to being married so easily is beyond me. Living together, dealing out the basic stuff, figuring out time for his and her friends (equally, ideally), learning and doing things as a couple together (BY CHOICE, not by just by default) and still manage to not kill each other at the end of the day? That in itself is a very challenging feat. How do you do it? How do you keep sane enough to get by the niceties and deal with the shit that hits the fan?
Dealing with kids is a whole new mess especially if your foundation is still needing some tending. So no thank you, i’ll stay off having kids for now.