New Year.

It’s probably the first of (hopefully) many posts for this year, but it’s too early to tell.

Needless to say, 2013, while it was fun, was such an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Happy moments? check. Tragedies? check. Unreal and WTF sh*t happened last year, more for the worse than for the better.

If I really was honest, last year nearly did it for me. I don’t want to rehash anything from last year since it’s always given me heart palpitations thinking about it. This year is a clean slate, as someone very dear to me said, and trying hard as I can, I am putting that perspective foremost in my mind to stop myself from spiraling again.

Last year I got into the worst moments of my new adventure. As much as i stop myself from thinking about it, it still haunts me. Recalling words and moments still make me cry. Seeing people involved in these WTF events still disturbs me, sometimes to the point of withdrawing deep into myself. I am constantly putting the mantra “if you have nothing good to say, don’t bother saying anything, since you may be saying bad things in stead” to good use in the hopes that i will forgive and very soon forget. But it’s hard. No person in their right mind can easily say, “i forgive you! ” and act like nothing’s happened (if there is, i’d like to see their prescription please — maybe i can have some of what they’re taking as well). Do i sound too pessimistic for a new year post? Believe me, I’m really trying. I may not succeed after all. But like I said, the year’s early.

So anyway, back to the new year. I’m done with resolutions but what I hope for is this: to just overcome this and come out alive, better, and well, more secure. I want to thank people who have kept me sane, who, in spite and despite of all the sh*t’s that gone down, chose to listen and support, for those who were brave enough to get past the lies and really take the time to love me. I am thankful for you. Without your presence, I think this year may not have been possible for me.

So to the new year.

May it bring more good than bad, more fulfillment than disappointment, more openness than rejection.

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