Carefree

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I wish I could return to a time like this.

I took this shot while visiting Seoul a few years back, at the Palace. A young boy and his sitter were walking around the Palace grounds, carefree and happily running around. His sister shyly looked up at me and smiled that I couldn’t help but take a pic of her. This one, however, was gaily running amok without a care in the world. He was so full of trust that his family would be there for him that it was not in his thought to be careful in running.

I envy him.

Honestly, I often wish I could have that feeling back again. Those moments that you don’t think about responsibility, about what needs to be done today, and just kick back and do whatever. I wonder how other people do it. Two things usually stand in the way: lack of money and/or lack of support. These days I seem to be having both pitted against me.

Money isn’t really much of a problem, it’s the lack of support that keeps me burdened. These days I’m not even sure what kind of support I have. That feeling of utter trust and support that transcends words, I miss that. To have someone in your life who you can be completely open to and trust, talk to and argue with without any fear of being left behind — support that reverberates in actions and not merely with words.

How can you be free when “being the responsible one” falls into your shoulders, even if you don’t want it? Sometimes I just want to be free from everything and just have my old life back. I often feel like I’m all alone in this. I hate this feeling so much.

I wish I was just a kid again. Being an adult sucks.

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